Food for Your Manhood

by Ghani Kunto

Blood of snake.  Paw of bear.  Any parts of a tiger.  And of course, everyone’s favorite: penis of goat.

What is up with men and the strange foods that’d supposedly increase our sexual performance?  It seems that many of us would gorge on a variety of culinary oddities for a bedroom boost.  And while there are numerous digestion-friendly options (garlic, ginseng, primrose, to name a few) the more peculiar the food, the more sexual-enhancing properties they have.  At least, that’s how they’re perceived.

Eat a lot of kambing guling (a delicious dish concocted mostly of pieces of roasted goat) and your Indonesian male friends would wink and nudge at you, saying “Oh oh, you’re giving the missus a workout tonight?”

And if you go to a kebab stand and order the delicacy, the skewered goat penis, your friends would really jest with you.

“Oh oh, your neighbors are going to complain about the noise tonight!”

It’s a Social Thing

I’ve never eaten that particular gastronomic delight.  There’s something about putting my lips around the phallus of a horned animal that just seems … wrong.

I think none of us would actually eat these things because we truly like them.

“What’d you like for dinner tonight, my dear husband?”

“How about some tiger pizzle, my lovely wife?”

“Penis of tiger it is!”

Not exactly a conversation you’d hear around the house.

Men don’t eat these things with their wives, and certainly not alone.

Men eat these things with their friends.

This led me to believe that men eat these things not because of their medicinal properties.  We eat these things on a dare.

Testosterone Gone Wrong

The testosterone that flows in our blood controls a lot of the characters that identify us as men.  Produced in the testes and adrenal glands, testosterone affects our muscle mass, the deepening of our voices, and growth of our beard.  It also spurs us to do stupid, risky things, like driving really fast and testing the temperature of the hot-plate in a restaurant by touching it, especially after the waitress said, “Be careful, the plate’s hot.”

Taking risks makes us more competitive in finding mates, but it also shortens our life spans.  Taken to the extreme, some might even say that being a man is best defined by dying a stupendously violent death.

Testosterone’s probably also to blame for the strange foods we eat.  These types of food carry a certain kind of risk.  Getting them could be risky (some are illegal, and catching a tiger by yourself is physically dangerous), and so is eating them (you could get sick).  The risk is the attraction.

To put it in a simple equation:

Strange foods = Risk

Risk = Testosterone

Testosterone = Manliness.

Thus, Strange Foods = Manliness.

I’d venture to propose: if there’s any effect from those supposed aphrodisiacs, it’s not from the properties of the menu.  The effect you might feel is probably the esteem boost you get for having proven your manliness to your peers and to yourself.

Which, come to think of it, is probably a better option than proving it by reckless driving.